Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
