he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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