Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
