After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
this just has baby written all over it
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
