Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
