imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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