He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
