In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
