i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize