he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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