my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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