I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
