i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
