before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
