come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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