She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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