Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
