Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
