I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
im six kinds of drunk right now
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
