it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
