you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
