You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
