how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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