P.S. I can't hear my feet
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
