We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
