She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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