Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
