i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Did I show you my penis last night?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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