Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize