brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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