Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
