You're earring is so big in my mouth
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm like, not good at living.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
