I swear she didn't look like that last week.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
