You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
