Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
