Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
