toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
