i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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