he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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