Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
