I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
