Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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