I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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