Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
