Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
