I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
