told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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