he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
