dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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