my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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