Redeem this text for a blowjob
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
