I have demons in me.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
