batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
