No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
