Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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