dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
