dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize