does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
