Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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