My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
