just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
