Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
