You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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