I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
