no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Yo dont text me then not text me
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i will never coherently bang her
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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