we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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