this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
