I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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