Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
