The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I wish there were birth control emojis
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
