I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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