I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
