i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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