i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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