I got chris browned last night
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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