I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize