So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
