Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
