forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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