Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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