You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
please don't ironically join a cult
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