pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
