she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
