WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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