I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
