Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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