My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize