Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Randomize
