i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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